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妻子的空位(The irreplaceable void)

是一篇很值得分享的故事

A story worth sharing

我的妻子因為意外事故離開我身邊已經四年了，我想，妻子留下不會做任何家事的我和孩子，她的心有何等難過呢？我也因為無法兼顧父母雙親的角色而感到挫折。有一天我為了出差，清晨趕出門，無法將孩子打點好就得離開家，正巧前一天有剩下的飯，我熱了蒸蛋，向還沒有睡醒的孩子交代一聲，就出門去了。

4 years ago, an accident took my beloved away and very often I wonder, how does my wife, who is now in the heavenly realm, feel right now? She must be feeling extremely sad for leaving a husband who is incapable to taking care of the house and the kid because that is the exact feeling that I have, as I feel that I have failed to provide for the physical and emotional needs of my child, and failed to be the dad and mum for my child.

There was one particular day, when I had an emergency at work. Hence, I had to leave home whilst my child was still sleeping. So thinking that there was still rice leftovers, I hastily cooked an egg and left after informing my sleepy child.

為了照顧好孩子飲食三餐的事，我也無力把自己的工作做好。有一天晚上回到家，我只是很簡短地和孩子打個招呼，就因為身體疲累，不想吃晚餐，脫掉西裝之後就直接往床上躺下。就在那個時候，砰的一聲，紅色的湯汁跟泡麵瞬時弄髒了床單和被單，原來有碗泡麵在棉被裡！這小子真是的，說時遲那時快，我即時拿起一個衣架，跑出去，往正玩著玩具的兒子的屁股就打，因為我實在是太生氣了，所以不停地打他。但就在這個時候，他邊啜泣邊說了一段話，使我停了下來。

With the double roles, I am often exhausted at work as well as when I am home. So after a long day, I came home, totally drained of all energy. So with just a brief hug and kiss for my child, I went straight into the room, skipping dinner. However, when I jumped into my bed with intention of just having a well-deserved sleep, all i heard and felt was broken porcelain and warm liquid! I flipped open my blanket, and there lies the source of the ‘problem’ -  a broken bowl with instant noodles and a mess on the bedsheet  and blanket!

Boy, was I mad! I was so furious that I took a clothes hanger, charged straight at my child who was happily playing with his toy, and give him a good spanking! He merely cried but not asking for mercy, except a short explanation:

兒子告訴我說：「飯鍋裡的飯早上已經吃完了，晚餐在幼稚園吃了，但是到了晚上，爸爸還不回來，我就在櫥櫃的抽屜裡找到了泡麵。可是我想到爸爸說不能亂動瓦斯爐，所以我就打開洗澡的水龍頭，用熱水泡了泡麵，一個自己吃，另一個想留給爸爸吃。因為怕泡麵涼掉，所以我就把它放在棉被裡，等你回來。可是因為我正在玩向朋友借來的玩具，所以忘了跟爸爸講。」

"Dad, I was hungry and there wasn’t anymore leftover rice. But you were not back yet, hence I wanted to cook some instant noodles. But I remembered you reminding me not to touch or use the gas stove without any adults around, hence I turned on the shower and used the hot water from the bathroom to cook the noodles.. One is for you and the other is for me. However, I was afraid that the noodles will turn cold, so I hid it under the blanket to keep it warm till you return. But I forgot to remind you ‘cos I was playing with my toys…I am sorry Dad…"

我不想讓兒子看到我在流淚，所以衝到洗手間，將水龍頭打開，大聲地哭。過了一陣子之後，我打起精神來，一面哄著兒子，一面也在他屁股上擦藥，讓他上床睡覺。當我清理好泡麵弄髒的床單和棉被後，打開兒子的房門一看，發現他仍舊發出哭泣聲，手裡還拿著媽媽的照片。我把頭靠在房門站了許久，看著這一幕。

At that moment, tears were starting to run down my cheeks…but I didn’t want my son to see his dad crying so I dashed into the bathroom and cried with the shower head on to mask my cries. After that episode, I went towards my son to give him a tight hug and applied medication on him, while coaxing him to sleep. Then, it was time to clear up the mess on the bed. When everything was done and well past midnight, I passed my son’s room, and saw that he was still crying, not from the pain on his little buttock, but from looking at the photograph of his beloved mummy.

自從在一年前發生這件事之後，我為了扮演好媽媽的角色，更加用心地去照顧他。現在兒子快七歲了，不久後就要從幼稚園畢業，進入國小讀書。慶幸的是，兒子在這段時間毫無陰影，很開朗地成長。

A year has passed since the episode, I have tried, in this period, to focus on giving him both the love of his dad and mum, and to attend to most of his needs. And soon, he is turning seven, and will be graduating from kindergarten.. Fortunately, the incident did not leave a lasting impression on his childhood memories and he is still happily growing up.

就在不久前，我再一次打孩子，因為幼稚園來電話說，兒子沒有去學校，我心裡覺得很不安，所以早退回家，在整個社區裡大聲地喊他的名字，卻是遍尋不著。後來在文具店的門?f，看見他站在電玩的前面，於是我很生氣，又開始一直打他。兒子並沒有說出任何的解釋，只說了聲對不起。後來我才知道，原來剛好是幼稚園要邀請媽媽去
看才藝表演的日子。

However, not so long ago, I hit my boy again, with much regret. This time, his kindergarten teacher called, informing me of my son’s absence from school. I took off early from work and went home, expecting him to explain. But he wasn’t to be found, so I went around our house, calling out his name and eventually found him outside a stationery shop, happily playing computer games. I was fuming, brought him home and whack the hell out of him. He did not retaliate, except to say, ‘I am sorry, Dad’. But after much probing, I realized that it was a ‘Talent Show’ organized by his school and the invite is for every student’s mummy. And that was the reason for his absence as he has no mummy…..

發生這些事的幾天後，兒子回家說，他在幼稚園裡學了寫字，從此他經常關在自己的房間裡不出來，很認真地寫字。我看到兒子這個樣子，想到妻子在天國也一定會因為看到他這樣而微笑，我就無法忍住淚水。

Few days after the caning, my son came home to tell me, the kindergarten has recently taught him how to read and write. Since then, he has kept to himself and stayed in his room to practise his writing, which I am sure, would make my wife proud, if she was still around. ‘cos he makes me proud too!

時間很快，又過了一年，到了冬天，街頭上都在播放著聖誕節的歌曲，我的兒子卻又闖了一個禍。我正要下班的時候，接到一通社區郵局的電話，說我兒子把一綑沒有寫地址的信，惡作劇地放在郵筒裡。每年到了年底，正是郵局最忙碌的時候，所以這對他們造成很大的困擾。雖然我已決定不再打孩子，但在急忙趕回家後，叫了兒子來，我又忍不住痛打他一頓。兒子這一次只是說他做錯了，卻沒有講出任何理由。我把他推到一個角落，不管了，自個兒跑到郵局領回那一綑惡作劇的信。我把信丟到他眼前說：「你為什麼要這樣惡作劇？」兒子哭著回答說：「這些信是我要寄給媽媽的。」

Time passes by very quickly, and soon another year has passed. It’s winter, and its Christmas time. Everywhere the christmas spirit is in every passer-by…Christmas carols and frantic shoppers….but alas, my son got into another trouble. When I was about to knock off from the day’s work, the post office called. Due to the peak season, the post master was also on an edgy mood. He called to tell me that my son has attempted to post several letters with no addressee. Although I did make a promise never to hit my son again, I couldn’t help but to hit him as I feel that this child of mine is really beyond control. Once again, as before, he apologized, ‘ I’m sorry, Dad’ and no additional reason to explain. I pushed him towards a corner, went to the post office to collect the letters with no addressee and came home, and angrily questioned my son on his prank, during this time of the year.

His answer, amidst his sobbing, was :  The letters were for Mummy.

當時我的眼眶紅了起來，心裡很激動，但是因為在兒子面前，所以我盡量隱忍住沒有表現出來。我接著問他：「那麼，為什麼一次寄這麼多信呢？」兒子回答說：「以前我要把信投進去的時候，因為個兒太矮，所以沒辦法投入，但是最近我再去郵筒時，已經搆得到了，所以我就把以前沒有寄的，一次全部都投進入了。」

My eyes grew teary, but I tried to control my emotions and continued to ask him: " But why did u post so many letters, at one time?" My son’s reply was: " I have been writing to mummy for a long time, but each time I reach out for the post box, it was too high for me, hence I was not able to post the letters. But recently, when I went back to the postbox, I could reach it and I sent it all at once…"

我聽了以後，心中一片茫然，不知道該對孩子說什麼話。過了不久以後，我就跟他說：「媽媽現在在天上，以後你寫完信，把信燒了，就能送到天國去。」等孩子睡著之後，我到外面燒了那些信。我很好奇到底孩子想跟媽媽說些什麼，所以讀了其中的幾封信。

After hearing this, I was lost. Lost at not knowing what to do, what to say…..

I told my son, " Son, mummy is in the heavenly kingdom, so in future, if you have anything to tell her, just burn the letter and it will reach mummy. My son, on hearing this, was much pacified and calm, and soon after, he was sleeping soundly. On promising that I will burn the letters on his behalf, I brought the letters outside, but couldnt help opening the letter before they turn to ash.

而當中有一封信攪動了我的心。

And one of the letters broke my heart….

親愛的媽媽：
我很想念你！媽媽，今天在幼稚園有才藝表演，但是因為我沒有媽媽，所以沒有去參加，我也沒有告訴爸爸，怕爸爸會想念媽媽。爸爸到處去找我，但我為了讓爸爸看到我很開心的樣子，所以故意坐在電動玩具面前，雖然爸爸罵我，但是我到最後也沒有告訴他原因。媽媽，我每天都看到爸爸因為想念媽媽而哭泣，我想爸爸也跟我一樣，很想念媽媽吧！但是，媽，我現在已經記不清楚你的臉。媽媽，請你讓我在夢中，再一次能夠看到你的臉，好嗎？聽說把想念的人的照片放在懷裡睡覺，就會夢到那個人。可是，媽媽，為什麼你沒有出現在我的夢裡呢？」

Dear Mummy,

I miss you so much! Today, there was a  ‘Talent Show’ in school, and the school invited all mothers for the show. But you are not around, so I did not want to participate as well. I did not tell Dad about it as I was afraid that Dad would start to cry and miss you all over again. Dad went around looking for me, but in order to hide my sadness, I sat in front of the computer and started playing games at one of the shops. Dad was furious, and he couldnt help it but scolded and hit me, but I did not tell him the real reason. Mummy, everyday I see Dad missing you and whenever he think of you, he is so sad and often hide and cry in his room..  I think we both miss you very very much. Too much for our own good I think.. But Mummy, I am starting to forget your face. Can you please appear in my dreams so that I can see your face and remember you? I heard that if you fall asleep with the photograph of the person whom you miss, you will see the person in your dreams. But mummy, why havent you appear?

讀完這封信以後，我就開始嚎啕大哭。到底什麼時候，我才能填補妻子的空位呢？

After reading the letter, I cant stop sobbing. ‘cos I can never replace the irreplaceable gap left behind by my wife….

給 已經結婚的女同事：

不要加太多班，工作做不完，一定是公司的某些地方出問題了，一定要將問題反應給妳的老闆，一直加班也不見的有用的，請務必要照顧自己的身體，才可以好好疼惜妳的小寶貝。

For the females with children:

Don’t do so much overtime. If you cannot finish the work, it must be some kind of problems within the company, and it is not your sole problem. Feedback to your boss. Endless overtime may not necessary be the answer to the problem. Take care of your health so that you can treasure and take care of your little precious.

給 已經結婚的男同事：

不要喝太多酒，不要抽太多煙，請問我們的生意，我們的客戶，有比我們的身體重要嗎？
一定要想一想，有沒有辦法做到客人非我們不行，我們的差異化在哪裡，我們是否真的懂客人的心，這比拼命喝酒，還重要，請務必要照顧自己的身體，才可以好好疼惜妳的小寶貝和你的愛人。

For the married men:

Drink less, smoke less, cos nothing can replace your good health, not even business nor clients.

Try thinking this way, are you able to work till your clients are totally dependent on you? or your boss is totally dependent on you? In this society, no one is indispensable.

Take care of your health, so that you can take care of your little precious and your loved ones.

給 還沒有結婚的男同事和女同事：

For those singles out there:

Beauty lies in loving yourself first.

With confidence and loving yourself, you will see the beauty in other things around you. You will be able to work better and happier. Don’t let your health be affected by your work or your boss, so nothing matters more than your well being..
美其實是從愛自己的身體開始 –（蔣勳，身體美學）。
無入而不自得 — （孔子）。

妳/你們一定要很自在，工作才能做的好，如果工作讓你/妳們的心情做的很辛苦，代表的是我們的公司不夠聰明，那也是公司什麼地方不對了，要勇敢的說出來，不要讓不聰明的工作與老闆，傷害了妳/你們的身體。

 

I fully agreed with the above statements.

I cried after reading this. My father pass-away wI was about 6 years old, I didn’t feel anything that I lack of even my father was away when I was still young, I’m so glad that I was trained that so independent..Thank you Mum.. I Love You!

不要珍藏著去等待不確定的特別的日子

朋友打來電話，說她前一段日子出了車禍，現在正在家靜養，
問我有沒有時間去看看她 放下電話，我急忙往她那邊趕。
開門的是她的先生，朋友坐在客廳沙發上，腿上蓋了條毛毯。  
見我進來抱歉地笑笑：沒去接你，我站不起來了。
 
我大驚。毯子拿掉，露出她長短不一的雙腿。 ……我頓時呆住了。 …怎麼會這樣？

朋友說：在高速公路上被一輛失控的大卡車給撞的。  

朋友拍拍身邊的沙發讓我坐下，待我擦乾了眼淚，她叫先生把輪椅推過來。 

看見嶄新的輪椅心裡又是一痛，看著朋友的先生把她抱上輪椅，感覺真是觸目驚心，她曾經有多美的一雙腿啊
女友讓我推她進了臥室，指著衣櫥讓我打開。！ 
 
我上前打開，裡面是一件漂亮的象牙白吊帶裙，裙長及膝，兩條纖細的吊帶中間隨意搭著條透明的銀灰色真絲長披肩，上面用銀絲繡著柳葉圖案，
標明價格的商標小吊牌還掛在上面。

朋友讓我把裙子和披肩都取下來，拿在手裡細細地撫摸，
比在身上給我看：好看嗎？
我的鼻子酸酸的：真好看！

朋友把裙子疊好遞到我手上：送給你。我連忙擺手。
朋友低著頭：你想我以後還用得著嗎？

一句話，兩人又迸出眼淚。  
朋友又拿出個白色的鞋盒，打開來是雙漂亮的白色 六英寸高跟鞋，
她說：這鞋和裙子是配對的。我點點頭：真漂亮！

朋友的眼睛深深地看著窗外，過了一會兒才轉過頭來，無比傷感地慢慢對我說：
你知道，當我發現我以後永遠是現在這樣，心裡最遺憾的是什麼？  
 
我最遺憾的是我再也不能穿漂亮的裙子了。  
我知道我的腿很長很美，尤其穿這種露著小腿的裙子更好看。  
 
我有很多漂亮的裙子，車禍後我都送人了。   

只是這一件是我最喜歡的，我一直珍藏著捨不得穿，
總想要等到一個最特別的日子，一個與眾不同的日子和場合，
但好像日子每一天都很平常都不特別，我也就永遠失去了穿它的機會。  
 
她停了一下，拉過我的手：
 
現在我知道美麗的東西永遠也不要去珍藏，不要珍藏著去等待不確定的特別的日子。

從朋友家出來，天已經很晚。  
我懷抱著這件美麗昂貴的裙子、披肩、皮鞋坐在車裡，
腦子裡朋友 傷殘的雙腿和 美麗的裙子交疊在一起不停地閃現，
痛到抽搐成一團，那些" 重要的日子 " 、" 特別的日子 "  
也許將來還會出現在她的生活裡，
但漂亮的露著小腿的裙子和美麗的六英寸 高跟鞋已經不存在於她的字典裡了。    

其實，生活裡我們不是常常把那些自認為最美麗最珍貴的物和事都細心收藏，總想要等到一個重要的場合、一個合適的時候、一個特別的機會才肯拿出來展示？
回到家，先生還在邊看電視邊等我。  
去臥室換上裙子、鞋子、披肩出來，  
先生眼睛一亮：天啊！你真漂亮！  

這些東西都是哪里買的？  
我搖搖頭，對他說是朋友送的，因為她再也不能穿裙子了，因為她沒有腿了。  
先生的眼睛黯淡下去，拉我坐下拿過裙子看著上面的標籤說：怎麼回事？  
這是三年前買的，但裙子還是新的。  
我的淚又湧出來：  
她買了好久，她以為總有一天她會穿上，她一直在等一個特別的日子……

先生摟過我，撫著我的頭髮：
那個特別的日子從來沒有來，是嗎？    
第二天早上起，
先生已經在廚房裡忙碌，當我睡眼蒙目龍地走進廚房，看到餐臺上擺放著早餐，裝早餐的是幾只象牙瓷的盤子，那是兩年前我在一次展銷會上買的一套餐具，盤子表面的光澤非常細膩，周邊點綴著紅的草莓和細小的綠葉。  

這會兒裡面盛著只黃白的荷包蛋，非常好看。  
我知道先生一直不讓我拿出來用，怕失手砸碎了再也配不成一套，
他常說將來有一天搬了大房子需要請客的時候七零八落的不好看。
 
今天早上知道他幾點鐘起的床，用了多久才把這套收藏在儲藏室的碟子找出來。  
 
吃完早餐，我搬了張凳子去開一排吊櫃的門，那裡收藏著整套各式各樣的從買回來後就束之高閣的雕花水晶玻璃酒杯。  
 
那是我陸陸續續買回來的，有的只在過年請客時用過一兩次，有的從來沒用過。
 
每次用完都趕緊收起來，怕被孩子打碎，總想等孩子長大到不會失手打碎的年齡再拿出來用的，但我發現我一直都覺得他會打碎，不管他是2歲還是 12歲。  
 
所以這些美麗的食具、酒具平時是絕不擺上我們家的餐桌。  
 
現在我把它們通通搬上餐桌，我不要再等到不確定的某個特別的、不平凡的日子。那些美麗的東西，我現在隨時都要看到。   

中午先生和孩子去了電子城，我坐下來給先生寫一張生日卡片，儘管他的生日已經過去一周了。  

以前我每次想寫封信給他，表達一下濃郁的情意，感謝他對我這麼多年的寵愛和包容，我甚至想讓他知道我很佩服他很愛他，但每次總是告訴自己不用著急。  
 
下一次下一個生日還會來，我甚至想，或者到兩個人都老得走不動了的時候再寫給他也不晚。
 
現在我知道並不是所有的"明天" 都會一如既往地站在前面等我，
我必須把我對他的那些愛與感激隨時告訴他。  

我還打電話給一家影城，告訴他們我要訂三張週末的《哈利﹞ 波特》的電影票，兒子說過很多次想讓我陪他去看他喜歡的一些電影，但我總覺得自己很忙，抽不出時間陪他去看那些兒童電影，往往要他等，等到天氣好的時候，心情好的時候，等到我有時間的時候。 一拖再拖，拖到所有的電影院都放過一遍了，那個"天時地利人和" 的時間總也還沒到來。

而孩子已經快到了不需要我陪著看電影的年齡，想到突然有一天他就會長大離家，只留給我一個匆匆的背影和永久的遺憾〞〞    

我錯過了陪他看電影聊電影的樂趣，這個樂趣再也不會回來了。

晚上看電視的時候，先生拿出了一疊售樓宣傳單，每一張上面都印著精美的圖片，先生把它們放在我面前說：來，挑一處你喜歡的房子。  
 
 
我看看先生，他以前從來不會把這種東西帶回家的，也反對我帶回來。  
 
 
他一向認為自己有房子再買房子是增加無謂的開支。  
 
 
這時他坐在沙發上，把其中一張挑出來給我看：這處不錯，離東湖很近，在自己家裡就可以看到湖水，院子裡有網球場和游泳池，有大片的草坪和鮮花……
 
 
我們可以先付首期，剩下的向銀行貸款，那樣我們可以住到全家人都喜歡的地方去，你累了可以去樓下打球游泳，孩子也可以在院子裡滑旱冰…… 我看著他：
你不是說單位裡會有福利分房嗎？  ..先生說：不等了。

一來不知道要等多少年；
二來就算等到了，房子也不一定是我們喜歡的。
 
如果一生只有百年，至少應該住在自己喜歡的地方吧。  
我點點頭。先生隔著茶几看著我，我身上當時穿著朋友送的美麗裙子。
 
他若有所思地凝想片刻，然後走過來環住我的腰：你知道看著你穿上她送你的這條裙子我在想什麼？  

我想生活裡那些美麗的東西其實不需要珍藏，婚姻中亦是。  
 
畢竟，生活對尋常夫妻來說，應當把最美的東西展現在每一個今天，而不是珍藏到那些不確定的、特別的日子。

美麗的東西其實不需要珍藏，而是要珍惜！

生活裡那些美麗的東西其實不需要珍藏，婚姻中亦是。

生活中亦如是！ 
 

不要珍藏著去等待不確定的特別的日子。
『 好東西要跟大家分享
  生命就該浪費在美好的事物上，
  當你遇見美好的事物時所要做的事，
  就是把它分享給你四周的人；
  這樣，美好的事物才能在這個世界上
  自由自在的散播開來….(.^_^.) 』

静思语

Control Your Anger

While a man was polishing his new car, his 4 yr old son picked up a
 stone and scratched lines on the side of the car. In anger, the man took
 the child’s hand and hit it many times; not realizing he was using a
 wrench. At the hospital, the child lost all his fingers due to multiple
 fractures. When the child saw his father…..with pained eyes, he asked,
 ’Dad, when will my fingers grow back?’

 The man was so hurt and speechless; he went back to his car and kicked
 it a lot of times.  Devastated by his own actions… sitting in front of
 that car, he looked at the scratches; the child had written ‘LOVE YOU DAD’.
 
The next day that man committed suicide.
 
 Anger and Love have no limits; choose the latter to have a beautiful, lovely life… Things
 are to be used and people are to be loved, But the problem in today’s
 world is that, People are used and things are loved…

 Let’s be careful to keep this thought in mind: Things
 are to be used, but People are to be loved … Be yourself… This is
 the only day we HAVE. Have a nice day.
 
 Watch your thoughts; they become
 words. Watch your words; they become actions.
 Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits they become
 character; Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.

 

People do things without thinking, ends up regret and suicide…why?